


hearts like drums

by lovelight (Delenaley)



Series: confessions [1]
Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Confessions, M/M, Pining, abusing the use of italics, no beta we die like men, side johndo, super light self-induced angst, this is a crackfic disguised as a serious fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delenaley/pseuds/lovelight
Summary: Ten can't believe that he had harboured this stupid, all-consuming crush on Kun for so long it feels like a personality trait. He's spent years living inside his head, sometimes he forgets that he—and by extension, Kun—is still his own person, too."It means I've had a crush on you since we were eighteen, fucking idiot,” he breathes out.Kun's eyes widened.Oh god, Ten's completely and utterly fucked, he can't even confess without straight up insulting his crush.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: confessions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797103
Comments: 16
Kudos: 269





	hearts like drums

**Author's Note:**

> [shows up a week late with gulu-gulu] happy belated birthday qian kun!! and happy new year 2020 to everyone, i hope this year brings happiness to us all!! 
> 
> title taken from btr's we are.

♡

A deal with fucking Kim Doyoung is what gets to him in the end.

Ten may be twenty-one years old, and even though the fact that he’s legally an adult will never stop being hysterical, the fact still stands that he’s an adult who must do grown-up things and make mature decisions.

However, no one ever said adults aren’t allowed to be petty and spiteful. Ten has seen his mother serve his father an empty plate for an absent-minded comment, watched his Dance Philosophy professor prank a student for underestimating his class, and even witnessed Jaehyun break his leg because someone told him he couldn’t parkour (Jaehyun was twenty at the time).

Ten believes that being an adult just means finally having the tools and capability to allow your pettiness to reach its peak.

Though he must admit that even he raised to the bait with this one.

It all started with Johnny Seo, of course it does, that fucker. Every trouble Ten has ever been involved in since he started university all begins with Johnny, his roommate and unfortunately, close friend. Only this time, his boyfriend was the one who sealed the deal.

“You know, Tennie,” Johnny starts suddenly, one sunday morning. Ten looks over his shoulder to glance at the couple on the other bed, making sure they know he heard them. He intends to finish sorting out his laundry before he loses the motivation, needs to ride out the sudden burst of productivity before it dies out completely.

Johnny has his eyes closed, head laying on top of Doyoung’s chest. They’re snuggling on Johnny’s bed, limbs tangled like a pair of house cats. In Johnny’s case, a super big cat whose bed no longer fits. “Maybe you should, I don’t know, move on or some shit, dude. We're worried for you.” 

Johnny opens his eyes and pats Doyoung’s tummy, inciting a barely coherent response from his sleepy boyfriend, “Huh? Yeah, totally."

Ten halts, half-folded shirt hanging off his palm. “Why the sudden concern over my love life?” 

Okay, so maybe his laundry isn’t going to be finished today. Ten clears off some space on his bed and sits down, facing Johnny’s side of the room.

Johnny disentangles himself from Doyoung and sits up. Doyoung lets out a dissatisfied grunt before following his movement, then continues latching himself to Johnny; arms wrapped around his middle, chin on Johnny's shoulder. Ten makes a disgusted face.

"We see how lonely you get these days, man. It wasn't that obvious at first, but then uni progressed, and everyone started dating or fucking around and you're just there," Johnny grins, "turning down every hand that had beckoned you to come, because you've decided Qian Kun is your number one or whatever."

Ten looks at him in disbelief. "I don't know why you insist on quoting Mitski every time you're lecturing me," he complains, brain recalling every single time Johnny completely butchered her lyrics whenever Ten does something that disappoints him.

"You play her music on full blast every single time you're having a _mood_ –“ Johnny makes air quotations to emphasize the word, Ten has to hold himself back from throwing a pillow in his direction. He still has some respect for the half-asleep Doyoung. "—then you wonder why I pull a petty father act on you? Hm."

"Oh, shut up." 

Johnny simply rolled his eyes, placing his arms above Doyoung's, whose eyes are now wide open, observing the ongoing exchange with poorly concealed interest. Doyoung would never miss a chance to call out Ten.

"We know, we know,” Johnny sighs, “you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, but that’s not gonna happen either when you're still out here moping around over Kun. We're not telling you to fuck your feelings away or get a rebound.. we just want you to get over him enough to _enjoy_ being alone again, y’know?”

"You think I don’t know? You think I haven’t _tried_?” Ten argues, voice growing louder with every word that comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for him to keep his cool when it comes to his feelings. “Do you realize how _easy_ it is to catch feelings and how _hard_ it is to get rid of that shit?" Ten's gesticulating wildly by now, hands moving along animatedly with every high-pitched emphasis he throws in his outburst. 

He realizes how defensive he’s getting, doesn’t know how to stop, and moves around the room to avoid getting tackled (it won't be the first time), continuing, "Do you even _know_ what it's like? Holy fuck. Sometimes he'd just be standing there, _smiling,_ with his eyes crinkled, and I'd have no choice but to go crazy with longing."

“Of course, we know,” this time it was Doyoung. “That’s _why_ we’re in a relationship, dummy. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em— _well_ , if you can’t make the feelings subside, the best thing to do is none other than be with them.”

Ten’s about to argue that it’s not that easy when Doyoung continues, “But now we’ll never know.”

“What are you—” 

“I mean, ignorance _is_ bliss.. until there comes regret.”

“I can see what you’re trying to do and—”

“Regret that could’ve been easily avoided if you hadn’t been a _coward.”_

Ten narrows his eyes at Doyoung, who’s sporting a smug expression. Johnny is looking anywhere but the two of them. 

“Doyoung,” Ten warns.

This time, Doyoung’s expression softens. “Rejection isn’t the end of the world, dear,” 

And then, “I also have a deal for you.”

♡

It’s nearing the holiday season, and as the weather grows colder, the campus became less and less occupied by students. Ten makes his way to the auditorium of his faculty, carrying a shopping bag filled with snacks and juice boxes.

 _“TEN!”_ several voices shout as soon as he walks through the door. Ten laughs and walks over to the front row. The boys scramble down the stage to approach him.

“Morning,” Sicheng greets, plopping down next to him. Ten hands over his requested snack and an orange flavoured drink, then places the bag on the floor to be ambushed by the others.

“Morning,” Ten replies. “How’s practice going?”

Sicheng takes a sip from his juice box before replying, “the usual.”

“As in ‘they’re recreating Tik Tok challenges’ usual or ‘they aced the rehearsal’ usual?”

“Both,” Dejun replies from where he’s sitting on the floor, mouth filled with cheetos. “Xuxi, Guanheng, and Yangyang _were_ imitating a movie scene and told me to record them, but then Sicheng came in and told us to _‘stop the muscular Rilakkuma from destroying our set and let’s get to work’_.”

Xuxi, who came down but hadn’t touched his food, looked at them sheepishly. 

“Don’t be so hard on him,” Ten giggles and hands Xuxi a juice box, ruffling his hair while at it. Xuxi positively beams. “Look at him. He’s a baby.”

Sicheng tried to keep a straight face, but barely lasted two seconds before breaking into a smile. Everyone burst into laughter. Ten’s heart swells, he wants to see his boys this happy, always. 

“Let’s hope enough people come to watch,” Sicheng sighs out when the boys gets occupied with their food once more.

Ten sinks in his chair. “I think I’ve found a way to help with that,” he whispers carefully.

Sicheng raises an inquiring brow.

♡

Qian Kun was from the same faculty, Arts and Performance, but of different majors—Kun majored in Music Composition while Ten was a Dance Major. 

It was already hard for them to meet, considering they had different schedules and their classes were in different buildings. Besides, they’re not even close friends who casually hang out and text each other every other day, they’re the kind of friends who only sees each other when the schedule matches and only talks when opportunities allow. 

Ten _does_ have his contact, and they’re mutuals in several social medias, but he can’t just casually reply to Kun’s instagram story or hit up his LINE message asking for him to meet up. Sure, he likes his posts and comments sometimes, but that’s it. 

Modern romance was supposed to be easy, so he wonders why it’s so hard to do with Kun. He’s known Kun since he was eighteen. Kun was his first friend outside of his own major. They had met in freshman year, because of a mandatory mixed-majors class that lasted for two semesters—and Kun had been so kind, so helpful—even to stubborn, sarcastic boys he just met.

In his daydreams, Ten is perfect—gentle and pretty, he giggles when Kun jokes and never speaks too loudly, always agrees with Kun and is ready to do anything for him. Real life Ten? Not so much. Real Ten sometimes forgets his own strength, has bad breakout days and uneven tones from constant sunlight exposure. This Ten rolls his eyes at Kun's jokes and stands his ground in a debate, this Ten doesn't know how to lose, and wonders if Kun would ever want him.

It’s not like he can scream: “ _I’m mean because I like you!”._ They’re not in kindergarten, and he’s not pulling at Kun’s hypothetical pigtails. 

Ten wonders how he’s going to confess without messing shit up.

♡

Ten finally sees Kun on one of Jaehyun's famous pre-holiday get together that he always hosts on his big ass house (read: villa). The amount of people doesn’t even come close to match the definition of a _small_ gathering, but Jaehyun himself said that he would rather die than have someone degrade the whole thing by calling it a party.

“Backyard.” Doyoung directs as soon as Ten’s in his periphery. He didn’t even get the chance to grab a drink before Johnny and Doyoung ushers him past the people and in front of the sliding glass door. 

“How’d you know he’d be here?” Ten asks softly. Kun looks gorgeous as always, all kinds of soft and ethereal even under the artificial lighting of Jaehyun’s backyard lamps. Ten wants so badly to reach out and hold him.

Ten remembers feeling homesick to his bones, and the melancholy that follows him throughout his first year of university. He was so far from home, and there's a boy who smiles like the sun, but he can't have him. 

His mother did once said beautiful things aren't made to be tamed or kept, simply let them come to you when they're drawn to you; Ten, who was eighteen, and only wanted to lie down on the floor and listen to music, guesses that maybe he's not interesting enough.

Ten sometimes still dreams about holding Kun's hand, standing on his tip-toe to kiss his cheek. 

Behind him, Johnny lets out an ugly laugh. “Knows? Doie _planned_ this shit.” 

Ten sighs. “Fuck you, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah, now get the fuck out.” Doyoung pulls the door open. 

When he walks out, the first thing Ten registers is how _cold_ it is. Ten shivers and wraps his arms around himself. This time he has himself to blame for not bringing a jacket. Kun is sitting on the edge of the pool, pants rolled up with his feet in the water. Ten takes several steps forward, moving until he’s standing by Kun. 

Kun, Ten finally realizes, is singing one of his favorite ABBA tracks, one that he plays often and endlessly. Pretty much everyone knows that it’s his karaoke go-to song that holds a special place in his heart, but to hear _Kun_ sing it feels kind of unreal.

If Ten doesn’t confess to him now, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get the chance. Ten never thought he’d get the surge of confidence from witnessing his crush sing ABBA. It felt like the universe was trying to tell him something.

His lips were moving, but his body was completely still, head tilted upwards. Even his legs, previously swinging underwater, had stopped. Kun was staring at the stars, but Ten can't look away from his mouth.

It seems that Kun has a knack of rearranging things and making them his own—it shows in the acoustic twist he gives the upbeat pop song with his melodic voice, and the way he rearranges Ten's heartstring and draws it close to his smile.

Then, he stops--and tilts his head slightly to the side.

"You're staring."

"Yeah, I am," Ten says, taken aback, heart beating like a drum inside his chest, threatening to break out of his ribs. It's bursting out of him in waves, these profound feelings that he's held down and chained since day one. It’s now or never, he decides (well, his fight or flight instincts did). "Kinda hard to stop when that's all I've been doing since we were eighteen."

Kun laughs, eyes crinkling. It’s one of his considerably more devastating laughter, one that had taken root deep in every corner of Ten’s heart; tattooed behind his eyelids, plaguing his dreams all the way to Bangkok. 

“What are you talking about?” Kun is fully looking at him now, kindness and warmth evident in his face. Ten drinks it all in, wonders if this will be the last time he’ll ever see that look directed his way. Ten doesn’t know how to survive when this all eventually falls apart.

Ten can't believe that he had harboured this stupid, all-consuming crush on Kun for so long it feels like a personality trait. He's spent years living inside his head, sometimes he forgets that he—and by extension, Kun—is still his own person, too.

"It means I've had a crush on you since we were eighteen, fucking idiot,” he breathes out.

Kun's eyes widened.

Oh god, Ten's completely and utterly fucked, he can't even confess without straight up insulting his crush.

The realization dawns on him like a building crashing in on itself. He just _confessed_ to Qian Kun. Ten crouches down, head in his hands. “Forget I said anything-- _Fuck_ , I’m so embarrassed, why did I agree to confess? I should’ve—”

 _“Hey,”_ Kun interrupts him, firm but not unkind. “Breathe.”

Ten feels a hand on his back, rubbing in circles reassuringly. Kun is so _nice_ , goddammit. If he hadn’t been so nice, Ten wouldn’t be here, having a quarter life’s crisis four years too early. 

“It’s okay, Ten. We’re okay.”

Ten blinks out his tears, and looks up slowly. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying.

Kun is smiling.

Ten sniffles. “What do you mean?”

Kun scoots closer, hands moving up to grip Ten’s shoulder. “We’re okay,” he repeats. “I can’t say I’ve been carrying the same torch for three years—”

Ten prepares himself for the incoming rejection. This is good. It will be the closure he needs.

“—but I wouldn’t be opposed to a date.” 

Ten can feel himself smiling, suddenly hopeful. “You mean that?”

Kun nods. Ten can see clearer now, and focuses on the tinges of pink on Kun’s cheeks. He knows that his face an exact mirror of the expression, probably worse (and messier, considering his previous near-meltdown).

Ten thought of a deal he made—the requirement he just fulfilled, a winter production in desperate need of promotion to avoid cancellation, and a friend who needs to do his part of the deal now; a friend with an insane amount of connections.

And then, his daydreams—feeling like a world away now. 

“I know some places we can go to.”

♡

**Author's Note:**

> some things i wanted to add but ended up Not Having The Chance To because i wanted this fic out of my wips Immediately:
> 
> \- everyone was actually watching thru the glass door and was silently cheering for them  
> \- ten DID NOT have to do it, doyoung repeatedly assured him that there's no pressure and he'd still support the winter production even if ten didnt confess.  
> \- ten: ohmygod im gonna confess to kun  
> doyoung: i didnt force you to. i just suggested  
> ten: no. im GONNA confess to kun  
> \- sicheng wants xuxi to raw him but would rather d word than admit it  
> \- yangyang, pulling up a pptx: xuxi is a himbo, and in this essay i will—[gunshot sounds]  
> \- xuxi n yangyang are english and german literature majors respectively, hendery wouldn't reveal his major bc he likes his cryptid status.  
> \- sicheng and ten are dance majors. xiaojun majors in music, kun's junior. 
> 
> i'm on [twt!!.](https://twitter.com/layverse)


End file.
